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Saturday, February 24, 2024





WRONG CONCEPTIONS ABOUT SEX IN MARRIAGE; One major enemy of sex in marriage is the misconception people have towards it. They want and desire more of sex, but they are still under the yoke of inhibition and wrong mental attitude.

Grandma tales, traditional belief, and religious limitations combined to become a stronghold in the bedroom of many homes and painfully, destroyed many marriages. Let me mention some of these false conceptions.

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  1. Lie: “Sex should not take place on Sunday. It is a holy day”.

Truth: Sex in marriage is holy. It is not something that cannot take place on Sunday, most especially after the service when you are relaxing at home. Holy sex is even better on holy day. Ride on; make it a sunny time in the bedroom on Sunday.

  1. Lie: “Sex must not take place in the afternoon, lest you give birth to albino”.

Truth: This is ridiculous. Sex can take place anytime, any day. Whether it takes place in the morning, afternoon or night will not affect the complexion of the child.

  1. Lie: “Sex is bad during breastfeeding; the child will be sucking his father’s sperm”.

Truth: Breastfeeding should not stop you from ‘love-feeding’ your husband. Sperm has no way of getting into a woman’s breast for the baby to suck. But think of it, if the baby drinks the sperm, is it not the sperm that made the baby in the first place? Do not be afraid, sperm has no negative effect on the baby. Breastfeed your baby and ‘love-feed’ your husband. It is good for your home.

  1. Lie: “Sex should not take place during pregnancy”.

Truth: Pregnancy should not stop you from enjoying sex. As pregnancy progresses, there are some styles of love making that may be injurious to the baby. But, there are some other styles that will make your love making interesting during pregnancy.

  1. Lie: “Sex should only take place under the cover of darkness”.

Truth: Sex in marriage is not a work of darkness. It can take place whether the light is on or off. If you have been used to having it in darkness, try it when the light is on and enjoy the variety.

  1. Lie: “Women should not enjoy sex; only men   should enjoy it”.

Truth: In bed, men and women are equal, the enjoyment is meant for both of them. Men should learn not to bully their wives on bed, but to satisfy them.

  1. Lie: “Wives must not initiate sex. Even if they desire it, they should control themselves or bottle their desire. Any woman who invites a man is a prostitute’’.

Truth: Wives, like their husbands can demand sex from their men. This can be dome directly or indirectly. The body of a man belongs to the wife and vice versa. It is not bad if a woman demands what rightfully belong to her.

  1. “Sex is only for baby making (procreation)”.

Truth: Sex is not just for baby making. It is for pleasure, purity, and expression of love to enhance intimacy, recreation, better marriage, unity, oneness and preservation of your home.

  1. “Sex in marriage destroys anointing.

 Truth: Sex with one’s wife has no negative effect with your spiritual state. It never destroys or depletes anointing. It is only when you refuse to have it with your spouse and lust after any other person that your anointing can be depleted.

  1. Lie: “Sex is sinful and dirty. When you want to have it with your wife, Holy Spirit will take His leave and return after”.

Truth: God is the founder of sex in marriage. Sex is scriptural, and acceptable. Holy Spirit does not hate sex in marriage; He is deeply involved in all human righteous and godly affairs.

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  1. “Thinking about having sex with one’s spouse is a sin. If you must have sex, just have it. Don’t think about it, that is lust”.

Truth: Thinking about having sex with one’s spouse is not a sin. It is acceptable. It is passion, not lust. It is a “holy fantasy” it is acceptable before God and man. As marriage counselors, we will advise you to divert all your sexual fantasies towards your spouse. It is good, no crime committed.

  1. “Women must not show it when they enjoy sex”.

Truth: Both the man and his wife should make sex enjoyable for each other and express their enjoyment through communication, by rolling, speaking inaudibly, commending, praise, etc. There is nothing bad about it. It will make your spouse very happy. Women most especially should learn to do this. 80 percent of men in a research said they will love their wife to talk as they make love. Fifteen percent said they are indifferent. Only five percent said they don’t like it.

  1. Lie: “Christian wives are bad sex partners”.

Truth: Well trained Christian women who are liberated from inhibitions and are exposed to good and sound biblical teachings about love,sex and marriage are better in bed with their husbands than worldly women. One major enemy of sex in marriage is the misconceptions people have towards it. They want and desire more of sex, but they are still under the yoke of inhibitions and wrong mental attitude. Grandma tales, traditional belief, and religious limitations combined to become a stronghold in the bedroom of many homes and, painfully, destroyed many marriages.

  1. Lie: “Being religious destroys sex drive”.

Truth: Sex drive is in us. Either you are religious or not, it is there. Pastors should stop pretending as if they are angels. Let them move closer to their wives and enjoy good sex and even discuss their desires with their wives instead of pretending and fall into sexual error.

  1. Lie: “Too much of sex makes one age fast”.

Truth: There is no amount of sex you have with your legally married spouse that can be said to be too much and make you look older in anyway than your normal age. Sex in marriage reduces strains. Love and sex reduce tension in the home and is good for the well being of those involve.

  1. “Sex should not be discussed by good Christian husband and wife”.

Truth: Husband and wife should discuss their sex life in their privacy, the way they discuss about their jobs, children, food, house, clothes, etc. It is good, righteous and acceptable. Talk about your sex life with your spouse, it is neither wrong nor sinful. Increase your sex life to an exciting level by having good and intimate discussion with your spouse.

  1. Lie: “Knowledge of sex should come naturally. You don’t need to learn”.

Truth: Nobody is a natural expert. Sex must be learned, discussed and practiced in marriage. Couples should read books written by Christian marriage counselors or sex therapists. They should attend good couple’s seminars and listen to messages on sex. Increase your knowledge about sex and improve your bedroom life for a better love life and marriage.

  1. Lie: “You can have a good marriage with a bad sex life”.

Truth: Bad sex life do lead to constant misunderstanding, arguments, strife and generally bad marriage. So, couples should try as much as possible to build a better sex life.

  1. Lie: “Penis can be too small and fail to satisfy the woman”.

Truth: The size of the penis is not related to its function, “smallness” of penis has nothing to do with the man’s performance in bed. It may look small without erection, but when erected, it can give full enjoyment to n the woman as well as impregnating her. You don’t need to worry about that.

  1. Lie: “Penis can to be too large, thereby hurting, injure or even damaging the woman’s vagina”.

Truth: No matter the size of a man’s penis, it cannot be bigger than the vagina of an adult woman. Most especially, when foreplay takes place or artificial lubrication is used. Vagina is elastic in nature, hence, women cannot really be hurt by the size of penis, except in a case of rape.

  1. Lie: “Big breast makes the wife to be sexually appealing and stimulate the man better”. Truth: Either your breast is big or small, it can stimulate your husband, you are big and beautiful enough for your husband. Stop troubling yourself about what you cannot change, accept yourself, take good care of your body, celebrate yourself and give your husband the best. Always remember that, that was how your breast looked when your husband chose to marry you. If your breast is big, it is not too big, if your breast is small, no problem about that, use the right size of bra, buy the one that looks sexy and romantic. Celebrate your breast, your husband will celebrate it, let your breast satisfy him at all times (Prov.5:19). Men should know that there is no difference between big and small breast. They should be satisfied with their mate’s breast.
  2. Lie: “Slender women are sexier and better in bed than fat women”.

Truth: It is not the outlook of a woman that determines how sexy a woman will be, it is her knowledge and exposure. Exposing a woman to books, seminars and good counseling will make her to perform well in bed. Whether fat or thin, accept your wife, train her up and get all the sex you desire from her.

  1. Lie: “Uncircumcised women are more promiscuous”.

Truth: Promiscuity has nothing to do with whether a lady is circumcised or not. Rather, it has more to do with the level of discipline, association, environment, parental upbringing, spiritual state and personal choices. Parents should stop mutilating the genitals of their daughters.

  1. Lie: “If sex is too much, you will likely give birth to more girls”.

Truth: Either girls or boys, God is the giver of children and should be celebrated. There is no proof that; frequent sex will lead to baby girls.

  1. Lie: “As you enter menopause; you will not enjoy sex again”.

Truth: Sexual ability is more of psychological inclination than a physiological one. Work on you, life begins at 50.

  1. Lie: “Too much sex is not good for your health”.

Truth: Sex has no negative effect on your health. It is a game of love; let it continue.

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  1. Lie: “Circumcised husbands take longer time to reach orgasm than the uncircumcised”. Truth: What determines how often the man will reach orgasm is not whether he is circumcised or not. What determines it is the spouse co-operation , knowledge of the man about sex, its frequency (a man who have not had sex in weeks is likely to reach orgasm earlier than a man who had sex a day before the present sexual intercourse).
  2. Lie: “Too much sex makes a woman’s tummy big”.

Truth: Sex does not have anything to do with size of the tummy. Eating habits, pregnancy and delivery and lack of exercise can cause it.

  1. Lie: “Vagina can be too narrow and not satisfy the man”.

Truth: Vagina of an adult woman has the ability to expand to accommodate any penis no matter its size, most especially when there is good foreplay or artificial lubrication.

  1. Lie: “Vagina can be too wide that it will not give the man any enjoyment at all”.

Truth: No matter how wide a vaginal is, it can still satisfy the man. Though, the enjoyment can be reduced compared to when it is not, but it can still make a man to reach orgasm and enjoy himself. Women should know that they can retain the state of their vagina to pre-baby state by doing kegel exercise..

  1. Lie: “Righteous women must not react to their husband’s sex in bed. They must also not allow their husband to see their nakedness’’.

Truth: Women must not sleep like a log of wood in bed. That does not make them unrighteous or unholy. It only shows they are exciting wives and skillful women. Women should also be naked before their husbands and not be ashamed. They should enjoy being naked in the presence of their husbands. There is nothing sinful about this. “Though modesty is an admirable virtue in a woman, it is out of place in the bedroom with her husband”. (Tim Lahaye)

  1. Lie: “Men are natural polygamist; only one woman cannot give them sexual fulfillment”. Truth: Only one woman was given to Adam and he was perfectly satisfied. Only immoral men who lack discipline cannot get sexual fulfillment from a woman. Real men, great men, get all they desire from their beloved wives.
  2. Lie: “No other style must be used when having sex with one’s wife except man-on-top. Any other style is unholy and unrighteous”.

Truth: Variety in sex is good for your marriage and it is not unrighteous. It is right. It is good. It is the best. If only with your wife/husband, never allow your sex life to be monotonous, spice it up. After all, variety is the spice of life.

  1. Lie: “Women should give their body to their husbands whenever they wish”.

Truth: The body of the woman belongs to the man and vice versa. If you must deny your husband, do it with wisdom, never think your body belongs to you. Always remember that, he owns your body.

  1. Lie: “Since the body of the woman belongs to the man, men can force their wives to have sex with them if they refuse. It is a legal rape’’.

Truth: Let’s take this analogy, you own your money that you save in a bank, but you can’t go and take your money forcefully from the bank without the consent of your banker. Similarly, sex should be with mutual agreement, not by force or intimidation; not by command or dictatorship. You are allowed to pet, cajole, seduce, motivate and lovingly take your wife to bed, but you are not allowed to force her, that will be too cruel and ungentlemanly, indeed, illegal and can be treated as rape.

  1. Lie: “Women are turned on by hard, and deep thrusting during intercourse”.

Truth: Except your wife asks for hard and deep thrust, she will be more turned on by softer, smoother and at times more rapid motions in intercourse as you make love to her tenderly.

  1. Lie: “A woman will be satisfied in as much as penis enters her vagina”.

Truth: A woman may not enjoy sex even when the husband ejaculates in her except she is well prepared before the intercourse.

  1. Lie: “Men know all about sex and need not learn about it again”.

Truth: Nobody (including counselors) knows everything about sex. We must continue to learn and open ourselves to improvement.

  1. Lie: “When a sex life is bad, that means couples are not sexually compatible. So, they should pack up the marriage.”

Truth: No two people are truly sexually compatible. All we need to do is to learn how to improve ourselves, not blaming our mates, but to seek professional help. It can be better; you can still enjoy your sex life. Never give up.

  1. Lie: “When a man and his wife are having sex and the wife shows sign of pain and discomfort or sobs (weep or cry), that should make the man to know that he is manly and conqueror of a lady, sex-wise’’.

Truth: Real men give their wives pleasure not pain; orgasm not agony. The joy of the man should be to see his wife happy and in ecstasy, to tantalize her and take her to the “next cloud”. Being happy seeing ones wife in agony is unwise. It does not reveal that you are a matured man, it only shows the animal in you.

  1. Lie: “It is a sin for the man to touch the wife’s vaginal or for the woman to touch or play with her husband’s penis”.

Truth: If you can touch your wife’s head, hands, legs, breast, buttocks, etc, then which law bans you from touching her vagina or for touching your husband’s penis? This is not masturbation. Masturbation is when one uses his/her hand to stimulate the penis or vagina to get sexual desire. The Holy Bible is not in support of this. But if your spouse is the one touching your genital, why not. In fact, the Bible says that your body belongs to your spouse, then should I not touch what rightly belongs to me? In fact, it is another way of having fun and it is called partner inter-stimulation (PIS) or sexual inter-stimulation (SIS).




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